An awkward dating blogger shows other awkward guys how not to be, awkward.
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I’m vain. Being my vain self, I stare at my blog here all the time, as if words will magically appear and the blog will write itself! Then one day, while during a trance of cyber self-publishing admiration, it hit me.
What is an awkward guy? Hell, what does awkward even?
It’s up there on the header graphic, a keyword in describing my target audience. So, for starters, it’s something important when I discuss about dating.
Is awkward good or bad? Well, neither, really. It leans more towards bad than good, however.
After a first date or a blind date, I ask my female friends how it went. They usually pick a generic word, like good, okay, or whatever. But when I ask what was the guy like, they get a little more specific. They say things like, “He made me laugh a lot!” or “He was nervous, and that was cute!” or “He was an arrogant douche!”
Or –and this one is my favorite, obviously– they say, “He was awkward. I don’t know what else to say.” And I hear this quite frequently from the ladies. It seems to be an obscure epidemic.
So let’s break it down on what awkward is and how we can cure it.
Awkward is immediate. I don’t think a woman will take an hour into the first date to realize you’re an awkward guy. On the contrary, it takes less than five minutes. You don’t even have to open your mouth. How do you greet your date? Do you smile warmly? If you were sitting, do you stand to greet her properly? Do you give her a quick hug? Do you make direct eye contact right away? Do you keep your back straight? If you fail to do these, you probably are in the awk-zone, which girls can sense miles away.
The Cure: Have a First Five Minute routine. Practice this routine with everyone, not just on dates. I shake hands firmly, I state my name loudly and clearly, and I say something like, “It’s very nice to meet you” as genuinely as possible. When I meet female friends, I always give them a friendly hug, which I transferred to blind dates, even if it does feel uber-awkward hugging someone I’ve never met before. I’m not big on small talk, but I got the hang of it, and it helps if you repeat the name of the person you’re talking to a few times during the initial small talk. The more you walk through your First Five Minute routine in general, the more it’ll help you on dates.
Awkward isn’t shy. Being awkward and being shy are not the same. You can be shy, an introvert, and generally reserved, but still have some level of confidence. Small talk is just not your thing, and that’s all right. You still engage with people and with dates –the right ones, at least– just fine.
Similarly, being talkative doesn’t automatically free you from the awkward epidemic. Chattiness might actually hurt your game, taking away from any sort of romantic mystery or curiosity.
The Cure: Whether you’re shy or gabby, set the first date for coffee or drinks, not a meal. That way the date won’t be as long, so the lady won’t be as burdened with your shy silence or your shameless stories. Also, when in doubt, ask, ask, ask.What is she like? What’s her story? Where is she from? What’s her family like? Who are her best friends? What does she do for fun? Does she have any travel plans coming up? Turning the attention on her will most definitely save you from your own awkward self.
Awkward is uncomfortable. In most social settings but especially on dates, being with someone awkward is really uncomfortable. This is crucial for men to understand, because discomfort is perhaps the worst emotion a woman can experience, only second to being creeped out by a creepy creeper. If your date feels uncomfortable around you, then brother, she has checked out. Sure, she is there with you, smiling at what you say, but she is only there in body, not in spirit. She is itching to check her phone to see if it’s reasonably okay to call it a night and run home, literally. Awkward kills dates, from the inside out.
The Cure: First, get out of jail. Just kidding. I think the best cure is to make yourself comfortable first. And how can you get comfortable? Go on a lot of dates, like a hundred dates. I know that sounds ridiculous, but friend, everything is weird and strange and unfamiliar if you haven’t experienced it enough. Go on a hundred dates with a hundred different women, then I’ll bet my imaginary house that I bought just right now in my head that you will be most assuredly comfortable on dates. And the ladies will be as well.
Awkward is blind and dumb. I’m not taking about being sensitive, that’s an emotion where a person is hurt, vulnerable and defensive. I’m talking about beingsensible, which is a skill. Sensibility is the active awareness to see what’s best for another person or a situation. Awkward guys do not have this skill.
The Cure: Lead something, anything. When you’re in a position of leadership, you have to be fully aware of the status of your people and of the situation. If you don’t, you’re screwed. Or, throw a big party at your place. Playing host is a great outlet to exercise social awareness.
One last thought on being awkward: Admit it. No matter how much you try to “cure” your awkwardness, some of it will still be there, so you might as well embrace that side of yourself. Being a little shameless and even proud that you’re not as smooth as some guys are makes you unique, quirky, and even like-able.
Why, that’s me!
Originally appeared at justcallher.com
Photo Viewminder Flickr
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